[ad_1]
One of our personal pet peeves is when a friend points out you’re turning red during an embarrassing moment. Like, oh really? I couldn’t tell that my own head is basically exuding steam as a response to whatever crippling shame job I’ve just committed.
Loading
They don’t celebrate your successes
Your friends should be your biggest hype people. They’re the ones who rebrand every loss with a silver lining, and cheer on your successes as if they were their own. Genuinely sharing in your friends’ wins shows a deep level of empathy and compassion.
An inability to do so is a sign of jealousy and insecurity. Your friend might rain on your parade and point out flaws when you’re sharing the news of a new job opportunity. Or maybe they turn the conversation back on themselves and talk about how much they hate their hair when you return from the salon with amazing new bangs. They might get moody every time you bring up how well things are going with your new love interest.
While it’s normal to occasionally feel envious of other people in your life, this shouldn’t get in the way of your happiness for them.
They’re jealous of your other relationships
Okay, we all make jokes that the ultimate side-eye happens when someone else calls your best friend their best friend. Like, girl. Are you lost? But, seriously, grown adults can have more than one best friend. If anything, having solid relationships with more than one person is a great sign that should be respected.
While it’s only natural to feel jealous or envious of our friends sometimes, the difference between a toxic friend and a good friend is how they choose to act on these feelings
A friend may shower you with love and rely a lot on your friendship as their main source of happiness and support – similar to how they would in a romantic relationship. It can be easy to mistake this “protectiveness” as sweet at first. In reality, though, isolating and guilt-tripping you for investing in other friendships is a form of emotional manipulation.
They’re always the main character
Everyone is the main character of their own story. However, some friends don’t just think they’re the star of their own life – they believe they’re playing the leading role, supporting cast, writer and producer of your story, too. In other words, they’re a bit narcissistic. These friends have a knack for making themselves the centre of every situation. It’s not until they’ve spilled every detail of their life and you’re about to pay the bill that they hastily ask, “So how’ve you been?”
If drama seems to follow your friend wherever they go, this is another red flag. No one’s life is smooth sailing 100 per cent of the time – but if your mate is constantly fighting with friends or in the middle of a crisis at work, the common denominator may be them. Instead of drama following them, the reality is that they might actually be chasing it.
While there will be times when one person in a relationship may need to demand a little more attention, friendships should be balanced overall. You shouldn’t feel like the sidekick in your friend’s one-person show.
It feels like a competition
A little healthy competition might be fine in your work or school life, but it has no place in friendships. Some friends always have to one-up you. They’re always more tired than you, more overworked than you and more hard done by than you. Rather than hyping you up when you look super hot before a night out, you’ll notice they become a little icy or passive-aggressive.
Loading
While it’s only natural to feel jealous or envious of our friends sometimes, the difference between a toxic friend and a good friend is how they choose to act on these feelings.
They’re always gossiping
If we claimed not to love a little gossip between good friends, we’d be straight-up liars. However, ranting or bitching about someone shouldn’t make up the majority of your conversations with your friends. If you’re in your 20s and beyond and you find yourself with a friend who still bitches about people they went to high school with, it’s probably time to suggest some new talking points.
According to a study published in Social Psychological and Personality Sciencegossiping is a social skill that helps humans stay connected and progress. However, a friendship based on nothing but bitching about other people only spreads negativity and gross vibes. Plus, when a friend is constantly complaining about people in their lives, you can’t help but question how they must speak about you to others.
They don’t help out
Sometimes it’s the small things that point out the toxicity of a friendship. When a friend doesn’t help you out, big or small, this could be a sign of weaponised incompetence or straight up being inconsiderate. Weaponised incompetence refers to a behaviour pattern where someone pretends to be bad at something to get out of shared responsibilities. This may be why friendships sometimes feel one-sided. Your friend may know that you’ll pick up the slack, so they don’t even bother putting in the effort or make excuses to get out of it.
Some examples: They don’t help clean up the dishes when you get takeaway or make dinner because they “suck at cleaning”. They don’t help with any planning when you’re booking a holiday together because “you’re the ‘type A friend’ and way more organised”. They don’t offer a hand when you’ve got a big task on your plate, such as moving house or picking up a killer Facebook Marketplace find. They don’t return the items you’ve loaned them unless you pick them up yourself.
The friendship feels one-sided
It’s pretty common for one person to take the reins more than the other at times in any relationship dynamic. However, if you’re constantly the one to organise catch-ups or send “how was your weekend?” texts, it can be super frustrating.
We’ve both made the hard decision to stop reaching out to a friend to see if they’d make contact. We both found that neither of our friends contacted us. While this is shitty, at least you know – and it can be a good opportunity to either let the friendship peter out or bring up how you’re feeling directly with your mate.
Edited extract from Finding Your People (Allen & Unwin) by Alex Hourigan and Sally McMullen, out now.
Make the most of your health, relationships, fitness and nutrition with our Live Well newsletter. Get it in your inbox every Monday.
[ad_2]
Source link
