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As my friends back on the dating market show, or those who have given up on re-partnering: it’s a mixed bag.
But some of my single friends say it’s also an uneven playing field when marrieds don’t wear wedding rings that would otherwise telegraph who is on or off limits.
“The first thing I do when I go into a bar is look for the wedding rings,” says one who is on the lookout for husband No. 2.
“It helps you weed them out.”
She warns that you need to look for the tan marks that indicate someone is most likely taken, having slipped their ring into their pocket.
Another friend, also back on the dating scene, says a bloke came up to her, pointed to the ring on her middle finger and suggested she was married.
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Convention dictates that wedding rings are worn on the fourth finger of the left hand. But some cultures wear them on the right hand. So confusing.
My ring-less habit began when I lost my wedding ring for a decade.
I later found it in my favourite pair of Levi 501s that I’d hoped I might squeeze back into. I had done the once-over for stains and $20 notes secreted in pockets when, probing the pointless little pocket at the top-right side of the jeans, I found my wedding ring. Voila!
But the joyful reunion wasn’t enough to change my habits. I’d become mortgaged rather than engaged because nothing says I expect to live a fair chunk of my life with you than a 25-year home loan.
When I finally talked my husband into getting married, I chose a wedding band with a small diamond.
I wore it when I was “going out”, but once I had babies and spent endless hours changing nappies and washing my hands, it lived on the windowsill next to the sink.
Meanwhile, my husband lost his wedding band at the Coffs Harbour Jetty Beach while frolicking with the kids.
Recently, one of my daughters took to wearing my ring, not realising it was my wedding band. I suggested she could at least have waited until I had died.
I’ve been asked why I don’t wear a wedding ring. It’s not about hiding my status, although there have been suggestions that women going for job interviews should take off their rings since they don’t want their marital or family status to come into play.
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But it’s clear to me that ring-wearing doesn’t have any bearing on the longevity of your marriage. It’s doubtful that if William were wearing a ring it would be enough to hold off the continuous tabloid speculation about the happiness of his marriage to Catherine.
In any case, if you’ve got a redundant engagement or wedding ring, there is a trend to have them remodelled into a divorce ring. Just don’t ask me what finger you wear that on.
Claire Heaney is a Melbourne writer.
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