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Of all the dumping stories recounted, the cruellest seemed to be the ones that didn’t stem from incompetence but from a clash of personalities – when their face simply didn’t fit the mould preferred by management. While this is undoubtedly a bitter pill to swallow, the workplace, much like the broader world, is a landscape of varied connections and disconnections. Not everyone will resonate with you, and unfortunately, some bosses just want you out.
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A quiet firing approach, in my opinion, has to be one of the most insidious forms of employment termination. It’s when bosses opt for the silent, gradual erosion of morale as a sneaky way of showing you the door. It involves making workplace conditions so unbearable that quitting feels like the only option.
Signs of this stealthy dismissal include setting unattainable performance targets, shifting your responsibilities, withholding promising opportunities, altering job descriptions and withholding expected pay rises or bonuses. The psychological toll can be immense – it’s a slow torture that chips away at your confidence.
Some employers pull this stunt to dodge financial obligations, and to expedite the departure of people they don’t like. Yet, this tactic reeks of cowardice – a manipulative manoeuvre that sacrifices employee wellbeing for managerial convenience. One friend’s recounting of a colleague’s coerced resignation through constant insinuations of incompetence, made me want to vomit.
Now, unless you’re cushioned by a healthy financial safety net, your immediate concern after being let go will be the sudden upheaval of your financial stability – a reality that necessitates an immediate review of outgoings including a halt to discretionary spending and Zara binges. But the real gut punch comes from the erosion of self-esteem.
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Of course, at this point you might want to comfort your ousted friend with an “it’s not you, it’s them,” but as I learned, that’s just white noise. Rebuilding shattered confidence after such a blow is a Herculean task, like healing a broken heart. Rushing into the next job opportunity? Bad idea. Just like rebounding into a new relationship without processing the scars of the past, you need time to lick your wounds and remember your worth.
So, where do you start? Anger and resentment are natural responses, but don’t let those feelings run away from you. After all, your next employer is unlikely to be the same (you would be incredibly unlucky if they were), and should not be judged based on your experience.
Find your support squad – friends, family or professional networks. Embrace vulnerability as a strength, not a weakness. Take small steps towards feeling good about yourself. Nurture your wellbeing, both physically and emotionally, before diving back into the job hunt. Wake up early, exercise, eat well, avoid anything that’s going to drag you down – which if you’re like me might be alcohol.
In the end, just as in matters of the heart, the key lies in acceptance. Acknowledge the past, but don’t let it define your future. Recognise that the right fit is out there, waiting to be discovered. And remember, healing takes time – but with patience, perseverance and a dash of self-compassion, the wounds of office heartbreak will eventually fade, leaving room for new beginnings and much brighter horizons. Tomorrow is a new day!
High Heels and Low Blows (Fair Play) by Jill Valentine is out now.
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