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In 2022, blogger Cory Doctorow coined the perfect word, enshittificationfor the declining quality of online platforms as they become merciless in business. For example, Facebook is no longer a way to connect with actual friends; it’s a way for Wish and Temu to sell you the finest plastic gadgetry modern slavery can produce. What I’m seeing at the barber is a similar yet distinct process by which a service becomes more upscale, cleaner, skilled and professional – though less enjoyable.
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You won’t get VB throwies at today’s barber. It’s an XPA from a boutique brewer whose CFO got snared by the same gym cult as the barber’s life coach.
And you won’t just see this improvement for the worse at the barber’s. The process is well documented with Banh mi, of course, where it’s well known that the bougie-er baker always makes a less tasty pork roll. I see the process, too, in the RSLs, whose hospital-grey renovations are fast becoming a national tragedy. We need to take a serious look at the “premium” clubs, barbers and chip shops and ask: Are these actually better?
Or are we upgrading ourselves into a sanitised memory of a beloved classic? A display-home version of our childhood.
Perhaps, however, there is a light at the end of the premium, minimalist, inoffensive tunnel. My girlfriend tells me her hairdresser has a website (stay with me here) and an online form that lets you pick the level of chatter. No chatter, only pleasantries, full chatter.
If they add “$20, and filthy jokes only” to the options list, I’ll be sold.
Perry Duffin is a crime reporter for The Sydney Morning Herald.
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